hi again

in high school, i realized i had a very extroverted heart. i found myself empathizing with strangers and connecting with people i’ve never spoken to before because they were honest and open on social media about their life and hardships. in fact, i even think that there’s a blog post about it written on here.

my outlet was, and still is, writing. so i created words with katie as a means to not only satisfy my own soul but also to create tethers with those who resonate with my words and my struggles. i was confident in my words & so proud when others would message me saying they related to how i feel, or that i made them feel less alone. because that’s all i wanted to do: make people feel less afraid, less alone, and remind them they have a voice too. 

i understand that putting yourself out there will always come with backlash, criticism, or rude remarks. someone will always have something to say about you, even if you have the most pure intentions. but even understanding that, it crushed my confidence and silenced me in a way. i felt like writing on my blog, posting about the hard days, using social media to try and build bonds with other people was a waste, and like maybe people didn’t deserve to know me on that level – which is a fair way to feel, in my opinion.  

the thing that i regret the most (and i regret almost nothing) is that i let fear hold me back. it’s difficult to let someone in on a personal level, but it’s incredibly scary when you are posting it on the internet for everyone to see and for your emotions and life to be permanently documented. but i think it’s important and such an amazing way to highlight our humaneness. i am having a hard time right now, honestly. i am unhappy with myself and where i’m at. i have horrible anxiety and self-confidence. i overthink every tiny thing and it eats away at me. getting dressed in the morning is so so difficult, i get anxious about how i’ll look in certain things. i don’t wear jeans anymore because i hate how i look in them. overall, i don’t like the way i feel or look. it’s so crazy to me, just the other day, i ran into an old high school friend + they said “katie! you’re thriving, i love to see it” and the fact is, i’m just not. but you’d never know because i don’t tell what goes on in my head anymore. i mean, i don’t need to. we don’t owe anyone anything. but i felt God tugging on my heart to post this, to share that it’s not always bright and blooming. it’s not ever going to be easy. everyone stumbles. but it’s important to get back up! i am working on myself every single day. i am grasping on to the little joys with all of my strength. i am looking in the mirror and trying to spark that light in my eyes again. i believe that it will get better and i can’t wait for that day! i feel like i can’t stop writing but i will. for your sake. hope you’re well. take care + remember, you’re not alone in struggle. and don’t ever let fear stop you from expressing yourself freely or doing what you love.

Published by Katie

in love with words & this life of mine.

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