Long post that i’m sure no one will read or care about but it’s fine. I think about this day sometimes. I love yellow. Its happy and bright and lovely, which is exactly how I felt in this photo. I went through a dark phase for awhile- everything was in shades of blue and black and grey, like a bruise.
But then I healed and eventually started seeing yellow again and it was glorious. Now, I see in all shades of the rainbow now- baby blue, black, bright yellow, red, dark green and all that’s in between. My life is colorful and vibrant and there’s a little bit of everything and I feel it all and I love it. I’ve noticed that I’ve been thinking and feeling a lot more than usual lately- which says a lot, because i’m an empath already. Through all that thinking and feeling, I’ve come to the conclusion that i’m putting all my time and energy into the wrong things, and it’s really affecting my mood and happiness.
I’m not going to go into detail but I think that it’s best for my mental health and growth that I take a little break from Instagram. While it used to serve as my creative outlet and visual journal, I now feel like it’s a chore. It’s a reaction, to just automatically open the app and scroll. It’s just another thing that I go to when I’m bored. While I think social media is a powerful tool for so many things, that power can be good or bad. I’ve had a couple people come to me the past couple of weeks and say, “wow your life looks so fun on Insta, I wish I had it”. But it’s only one second, one moment, of a whole LIFE. a whole day. a whole memory. It only captures a little fragment of a bundle of emotions, sensations, and happenings.
I’ve always tried to portray myself as authentically as possible by opening up about my struggles with anxiety and depression. However, unfortunately I feel there will always be a barrier between you and I- between the person viewing your posts and the actual person behind the posts. Life is more than a post, we need to remind ourselves of that. There is always going to be a disconnect between words & actions/reality.
Anyways, what i’m trying to say is… i’m going to take a step back. i’m going to try to live my life without posting or scrolling everyday. I think it’s best for me and my wandering mine if my focus is elsewhere. I never have been like this never want to be that person that needs social media or needs validation from others through it. This might sound dumb and pointless and you’re like, okay katie quit being overdramatic, it’s just app.. and you’re exactly right. I’ll figure it out. Bye for now. 🖤