Being away from home for two weeks has its ups and downs. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE traveling. Exploring new places and absorbing the different atmospheres of my country makes my soul sing with joy. But by the time the end of both of my trips came, my homesick heart was ready to be back home again.
But, the more I’m home, the more I realize that maybe I’m homesick for a place that I’ve never been.
Have you ever heard the quote, “Get lost finding yourself”? It’s one of my new favorites. I think the cure to not knowing who you are or what your purpose is, is to explore and get lost. To travel to a place you’ve never been without any expectations and just roll with it, soaking it all in.
I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety the past few months — well, dealing with it as best as I can anyways. It’s a constant rollercoaster of emotions, some days being better than others. All I want for myself is to keep fighting for my happiness until I’ve finally obtained joy again. Honestly, the past few days being back have been very hard. Not because I don’t like being home or anything along those lines. (Trust me, I love home more than anything else in life- it’s where my family and dogs are.) However, divulging back into reality isn’t as easy as it seems, especially when you’ve been on such a long break from it.
It’s like while you’re away, you’re in another world where anxiety is quiet and depression hides it’s face then boom. You’re back to reality where everything is loud and hits you ten times as hard as it would anyone else. And I guess that’s just life, but a part of me doesn’t think it’s supposed to be my life.
Every time I go somewhere new, it’s like a missing part of me finds its way back into my puzzled soul. Like these pieces of me are hidden in places I’ve never been and the only way to feel completed is to go and explore and find them.
This all sounds cliche the more I type it out, but there’s just something about roaming an unfamiliar place that makes my darkness and heavy heart lighten.
I don’t exactly know what any of this means for me. Am I supposed to move after I graduate college? Do I need to start getting out of bed and exploring more? Maybe even travel more? Is God just showing me that this world is bigger than I thought? I don’t know. But I do know that He does everything with an intention and all this traveling and adventure has opened my heart and ignited fireworks in my eyes. I’m so inspired.
I don’t know where I’m going next, but I do know that wherever I may go or wherever I’ll end up, is one step closer to finishing my puzzle and repairing all of my broken pieces. And I could not be more excited.