Tuesday morning ramblings

why are some days so much harder than others? some days I feel unstoppable – like determination and joy was woven into every part of me. other days just feel so heavy – as if I wrote my worries and aches down on paper and piled them on my desk, the desk would collapse and fall beneath the stacked sorrows, leaving nothing but a scattered mess that resembles my mind at times. 

I read these words the other day that stuck to me like a price tag on glass: we tend to filter out the bad moments so our memories become nothing but positive. so we remember our past as if it was a pleasant place to be, even if it wasn’t. it’s ironic, how we also do that with the present. with social media. with sharing our lives with others. we become almost embarrassed, so incredibly shy to share the pitch dark moments, the dooming and looming thoughts that aren’t fun, aren’t the slightest bit pretty, and definitely wouldn’t get a lot of likes on a post. 

I encourage you to take some time to write down the bad moments, even if it isn’t enjoyable. you don’t have to share them, you certainly don’t need to post them, but just let it all out instead of holding them inside. in fact, you can even write ’em all down then burn the paper.  

I just think that’s important, so very necessary to ensuring your mental stability – being in tune with your feelings and getting to the root of why you’re feeling the way you are. there’s always a reason. you’re allowed to feel this way. nobody is happy all of the time, and we were never designed to be. it’s not always going to be sunshine and lollipops (I know that’s a cliche but it’s true!). things are going to be difficult at times, but we deal with it in the best ways we know how. getting it out of your system will make you feel abundantly better. 

sometimes I second guess myself, especially my feelings, but always remember the way you feel is completely valid. say it to yourself over and over until you know it to be true. your feelings are valid. you are allowed to feel the way you do – whether it’s extreme and unfiltered joy, or distressed over somethbing as small as your shirt getting snagged on a corner, seriously! you’re human, you’re going to react. you’re going to have substantial emotions, and that is okay. 

here’s to the times that aren’t so lovely, but also here’s to the times where we can recognize we’re human + were capable of a plethora of feelings. we can be grateful for that, right? even when they suck.. or is that just me? haha, regardless, thanks for reading this far. have a great day + thanks for reading my morning ramblings. 

hi again

in high school, i realized i had a very extroverted heart. i found myself empathizing with strangers and connecting with people i’ve never spoken to before because they were honest and open on social media about their life and hardships. in fact, i even think that there’s a blog post about it written on here.

my outlet was, and still is, writing. so i created words with katie as a means to not only satisfy my own soul but also to create tethers with those who resonate with my words and my struggles. i was confident in my words & so proud when others would message me saying they related to how i feel, or that i made them feel less alone. because that’s all i wanted to do: make people feel less afraid, less alone, and remind them they have a voice too. 

i understand that putting yourself out there will always come with backlash, criticism, or rude remarks. someone will always have something to say about you, even if you have the most pure intentions. but even understanding that, it crushed my confidence and silenced me in a way. i felt like writing on my blog, posting about the hard days, using social media to try and build bonds with other people was a waste, and like maybe people didn’t deserve to know me on that level – which is a fair way to feel, in my opinion.  

the thing that i regret the most (and i regret almost nothing) is that i let fear hold me back. it’s difficult to let someone in on a personal level, but it’s incredibly scary when you are posting it on the internet for everyone to see and for your emotions and life to be permanently documented. but i think it’s important and such an amazing way to highlight our humaneness. i am having a hard time right now, honestly. i am unhappy with myself and where i’m at. i have horrible anxiety and self-confidence. i overthink every tiny thing and it eats away at me. getting dressed in the morning is so so difficult, i get anxious about how i’ll look in certain things. i don’t wear jeans anymore because i hate how i look in them. overall, i don’t like the way i feel or look. it’s so crazy to me, just the other day, i ran into an old high school friend + they said “katie! you’re thriving, i love to see it” and the fact is, i’m just not. but you’d never know because i don’t tell what goes on in my head anymore. i mean, i don’t need to. we don’t owe anyone anything. but i felt God tugging on my heart to post this, to share that it’s not always bright and blooming. it’s not ever going to be easy. everyone stumbles. but it’s important to get back up! i am working on myself every single day. i am grasping on to the little joys with all of my strength. i am looking in the mirror and trying to spark that light in my eyes again. i believe that it will get better and i can’t wait for that day! i feel like i can’t stop writing but i will. for your sake. hope you’re well. take care + remember, you’re not alone in struggle. and don’t ever let fear stop you from expressing yourself freely or doing what you love.

Mamma Mia, Here We Go Again – My 21st Birthday Party

My brother’s fiancee, Paige, is a party planner and so naturally, I asked if she would help plan my 21st birthday party. This year has been crazy and really hard for my family and friends, so I wanted to do something fun so that we could get together and celebrate. I love Mamma Mia and ABBA so much, but genuinely I just wanted an excuse to run with the Greece them. It’s so dreamy and elegant to me, and Paige did an amazing job at executing this into a beautiful party, especially because almost no one has Mamma Mia themed parties so it was hard to find inspiration and ideas.

The Invites

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I drew up these invites, inspiration from Pinterest and Greece, and also stuck in the ABBA lyric because I thought it was funny and perfect


Drinks

For drinks, we did BYOB. But we provided these really cute plastic and reusable cups that said ‘Hotel Bella Katie’ which plays into the Mamma Mia aspect, Donna’s hotel was ‘Hotel Bella Donna’. We also loved the idea of disco ball cups and they actually held A LOT more than I thought they would (like a whole White Claw fit in one). That giant disco ball bowl held some alcoholic punch. It was all so perfect.


Food

My mom made these charcuterie boards and I’d like to think they look like a professional did them. We wanted everything to look elegant and classy, all while still tying into the Mamma Mia theme. Paige got Greek food, which I’ve never had before but it was all delicious. We had hummus, pita chips, spinach pastries, and


Dessert

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21 cake with flowers and Ice Cream Cone Cake Pops

Lexington Cake Lady Instagram

Mamma Mia Sugar Cookies

I’m OBSESSED with these Mamma Mia cookies. They are from a local cookie maker and she exceeded my expectations. Here’s the link to her Facebook page: Sam’s Cookies and Cupcakes

Gourmet Hand-Crafted Ice Cream

We also had an ice cream bar. Paige and my brother Kevin own their own small ice cream business called Pete’s Pints. I made the custom labels for the party and then we just put it on dry ice. Pete is their sweet doggo and mascot btw. Here’s a link to their Instagram page: Pete’s Pints Instagram

and their website: Petes Pints


Decorations

My amazing dad made that window from scratch and we painted it too. Everything really was in the details and I loved every aspect.


“Photo Booth”

My brother Kevin made the balloon arch (thank you btw) and we had a ring light so the lighting was decent! Then, we had those gold and silver tassels and got a bunch of pasteboard to tape together and made that backdrop ourselves.

This was really the party of my dreams and I am so grateful to everyone who made it happen. It was fun being the DANCING QUEEN, YOUNG AND SWEET, just for one night and one night only 🙂

Mental Health Awareness Month

It’s Mental Health Awareness Month. 

I think it’s incredibly important to talk about mental health. I strive to be an advocate for those dealing with mental illnesses. 

Mental health is something i’ve always struggled with personally. I used to battle depression. I wage war with my anxiety every single day; some days are literally paralyzing and others I can finally catch my breath. I don’t think that if I told you that I have poor mental health you would ever know. I’m usually very bubbly, social and outgoing; I hide my anxiety well, I keep it to myself, and I have my own mechanisms to get through it. that’s the thing though – mental illness is an illness even though we can’t see it. Just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Just because you don’t experience it doesn’t mean it isn’t real. 

We tend to put our care for our mental health in a box, wrap it up, and store it away with all our seasonal decorations. We brush it off as exhaustion, worry, lack of motivation, etc. and we say to ourselves, “this is life” and we accept it and then spiral downwards. But life shouldn’t feel like a chore. It shouldn’t be a dread to get out of bed. You shouldn’t constantly have to feel sorry or worried about everything you do. You shouldn’t need to grind your life away in order to survive.

Life is so much more than all of that. Life is more than the small moments when you feel hopeless or depressed or anxious. Trust me, i’ve been through it. I know what it’s like to feel like there’s nothing left for you. I know what it feels like to feel so much pressure on you, you feel like you might die. It saddens me when people think these feelings are over dramatic or insignificant. You cannot just stop what you are feeling in the blink of an eye.  It is HEAVY and CONTROLLING. It isn’t just a normal feeling you can talk yourself out of. 

Mental health is SO real and SO prevalent in today’s society with all the pressure and societal, financial, educational, (and so many more) standards put on EVERYONE. We need to be there for each other. Qe need to remember that EVERYONE is human and everyone has a story. We’ve all hit rock bottom, some have hit it more than others, but I will never be the one to see you at the bottom and not stick out my hand to try and help you get up from it. I want to lift others up as much as I can. if you’re at rock bottom, look towards the light. I am here for you. there are brighter days. you are loved and so valued. 

TL;DR – Remember to be kind. I hope you text your friend and ask how they are doing and truly listen. I hope you take care of yourself first.